`Five Minute Friday’: After

Photo by Becka Spence / flickr under CC license

Photo by Becka Spence / flickr
under CC license

“Five Minute Friday” is a weekly event that has been described as a writing flash mob.  Every week Lisa-Jo Baker announces a new writing prompt and all the participants free-write for — yep, you guessed it — five minutes.  No editing.  Just real.  Free.  Raw.  Want to know how it all got started?  Read the back story.  Sound like fun?  Come on over and join us!

This week’s prompt is After.

Ready.

Set.

Go!

After

Before.  My favorite color was yellow.  Golden as the sun.  I loved everything yellow:  brown-eyed susans, yellow construction paper, yellow crayons, yellow finger paint, yellow jelly beans, just everything yellow.

Before.  I was a daddy’s girl.  I couldn’t wait for him to get home from work.  I sat on the back of the truck eating cabbage and tomatoes from the garden.  I helped him feed the pigs, well, sort of.

Before.  He threw me up in the air and I squealed and laughed.  He never let me fall.  He tickled me and counted out five birthday spankings.  I kicked and laughed and tried to twist free.  He loved me and I loved him.  Before.

After.  After my fifth birthday and before my sixth I didn’t like yellow anymore.  My sunshine and fun clouded over and darkness filled my little girl heart.

After.  I didn’t want to play.  I didn’t want to be held.  I was a daddy’s girl and no one else would do.  There was no more laughter, no more hugs or kisses, no more birthday spankings.  Just cold and dark and pain.

After.  We moved away from the farm.  After the police knocked on the door to suck the air out of my lungs, fill my ears with the sound of mom crying, the pain we felt.  Daddy didn’t feel any pain.  He was in heaven.  Went straight up to heaven right at the site of the accident.

After.  He left me behind.

9 Responses

  1. oh wow… i’m not sure how to respond… i havent read other parts of your blog so i dont know where you’re at today… or if you knw that God loves you and is for you. that He is in the before and the after and loves you today…. and that there is coming a tomorrow where there will be no more sorrow and where there will be joy and reunion. thansk for sharing – it was so touchingly written, griping my heart. i am not sure if i can like yellow anymore…

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    • I seem to have missed my Dad in different ways over the years. As my needs for a father changed – from a 3rd grader, to a teenager, to a bride, to a parent – there was a different sense of loss at each crossroad. It doesn’t go away but God has been the best daddy on the planet — and then some. He has carried me through many rough spots. Thanks for your honest response and thanks for checking on my spiritual life too. Be blessed!

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      • i can relate to that – my father in law passed away in december 2011 and we have felt his absence on those momentous days.. and non momentous ones when we jsut miss his presence. it was interseting at church we had a ministry day and one of the speakers so reminded me in so many ways of alan, my husbands dad. from teh way he walked to the way he dressed to the tone of voice. i ended up sitting beside him during a session and we had to turn to each other and pray for one another, but it ended up that he just prayed for me and spoke words of love and encouragement. just as alan would have. it was like God giving me a moment with my father in law. he was such a gracious praying man and a fount of wisdom and strength for me, even though i was “just” the daughter in law. he was a lovely grandfather and i miss him in that role. i wrap my arm around you and sigh in our loss, yours so great as you lost your dad so young. i am glad God has being your rock – He is the father to the fatherless and supports in those moments, ever so close. hugs, claire

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  2. I’m new to your blog and have not read previous posts, but I sense your pain and loss. I’m so sorry for whatever happened and am thankful that I was blessed enough to find this post today. May God be with you and richly bless you in the days ahead. (((HUG)))

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  3. Your words are extrememly powerful. I felt every bit of your joy and pain here. Sometimes I wish we had 50 minutes to write, not five. I would’ve loved to have kept reading. Praying for continued comfort and peace in your life knowing you’ll see your daddy again. ~Tanya, making the rounds from FMF

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    • So glad you stopped to read this post. Thank you! I’m amazed that I really did write it in only five minutes. It can be hard to explain how amazing it is to sense God’s love and comfort during the overwhelmingly challenging times — like losing my dad. I have no doubt that we will be reunited in heaven. Be blessed!

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  4. OH MY GOSH.
    Excellent work.
    Excellent writing.
    So terribly sad for your loss.
    “My sunshine and fun clouded over and darkness filled my little girl heart.” –> I know this all too well.

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